суббота, 28 марта 2015 г.

Dating east european women

Russian girls - living and travel images



Dear Sirs! Thank you for your visit to our site. There's been a lot of discussion about girls from Russia on the Internet, and other media, within the past years. The result became a fancy and weird fusion of some valid information, some half-truth, rumors, dispute, guesswork, guesstimate and divination, misleadings and deliberate lies.



This is why we re-create from the scratch this site. We have a lot of firsthand information to share with you ;) We will try to tell you about who they are and who they are not; about their achievements in sports, business, art, literature, politics and history. and even wars ; we will show you beautiful girls photos and we will tell you about "ordinary" women living out there with their views and customs. hobbies activities. and Sense of Humor. We'll show you pictures of Russia - those places where Russian girls born, grow and live - or travel:



Please be advised that this is not "dating site" nor "dating personals site" nor "Russian mail order brides sites" in any way. This is not "date single person" nor "free dating online" nor "friendfinder" nor any other sort of "matrimonial" or "marriage" sites either. We don't offer any matchmaking services. We only offer information as we know it and show you some pictures. It's all free - no fees, no charges.



It is no use to distinguish Russian, Ukrainian and Belarus women as they themselves (most of them) do not feel a lot of difference from each other. Russians, Ukrainians and Belarusians have all very similar origin and social background, ways of life, traditions, and superstitions since they were the same country not so long ago (USSR aka SU, Soviet Union ; later - CIS, "Commonwealth of Independent States").



It's these traditions and upbringing that make a Russian woman so different from European or American or any other country's one. Russian fairy tales are the huge part of these traditions. They depict a main protagonist (or heroine) not only to be a kind-hearted, hard-working and beautiful woman who is like Cinderella granted for her moral virtues with the prince and the fortune. The fairy tale heroine is a strong partner that supports and often saves the life of the prince.



Our fairy tales encourage patient, courageous, wise, inventive characters that show sacrificial love, lack of materialism, keep faith, have respect to the seniors, have compassion to the weak person and care for animals. Russian girl from fairy tales is loyal, wise, knowing, brave, compassionate, self-giving, shows unquestionable love. She possesses the secret bonds to nature and she's protected by Supreme Energy.



Russian classical literature and cinema has similar characters. A woman is described in novels as feminine, intelligent, sacrificing, yet strong and courageous heroine having heart of hearts, inborn integrity, justice and stamina. Woman of Russia is shown in Russian literature as vulnerable and submissive, but also flavored with stubbornness and irrational sometimes and able to show patience that permits ultimate survival in most harsh circumstances.



A unique character of Russian women is also influenced by the Orthodox Christian traditions and values like mercy, generosity, self-neglect. Even though a great many of Russian women are not true believers, they demonstrate the internal need for agape and charity molded by cultural background and the society.



Most Russian women take it for granted to combine their own career with taking care of family and the household. Most Russian clerks, teachers, doctors, accountants, as well as lawyers, designers, travel or real estate agents are educated women. working full day, yet they rarely hire baby sitters or housemaids to help around. If a couple gets a divorce and the family splits, it is almost always a Russian woman who takes full care of children. Russian women mainly cook at home, be it a regular supper, a quick lunch for a school child or a 2-meal snack for a husband leaving for work. Take away meals are not mass popular and expensive and premade food is considered low quality and unhealthy. Thus Russian cuisine and eating habits mainly include cooking at home and using fresh products.



This is quite habitual due to financial reasons and mentality when grown up children keep on living with their parents in the same apartment or house even after they get married and have own children. Most Russian women help raise their grandchildren and support new family of their own children financially.



Not only fairy tales, religion and literature characters inspire today's Russian women. To a greater extent it's life and heroic deeds of our great ancestors - real women that survived revolution, collectivization, industrialization. emigration. World War II and tough after war times and famine - to teach our compatriots what a Russian woman should be. We intend to write about these heroic women that were soldiers, partisans. pilots. snipers, nurses - those who contributed to the great victory of Soviet Union over the Nazis. Their unselfish courage and commitment to the Motherland played a historic role during the siege of Leningrad and Sevastopol. defense of Brest Fortress, battle of Smolensk and Moscow and other Russian hero-cities. One of Vermacht generals said that while preparing to the war against the USSR the fascists took into account all the details except Russian women. These words add to the portrait of a Russian woman and her historical mission.



At this "home" page we provide you with just a brief summary of our study; we'll elaborate it further at other pages: how to write letters to women of Russia or how to deal with Russians and much more.



The legendary pages of Russian history from the ancient times to the modern period present extraordinary characters of famous Russian women - rulers and political leaders. The "Enlightened despot" Catherine the Great is still a target of criticism and admiration, yet one of the most important leaders of the Russian Empire, whose achievements played a key role in political and cultural development of Russia .



Russian women - movie stars. musicians, Russian ballet dancers, athletes, female-politicians and writers greatly contributed to the list of achievements of their country. Many of them are world famous.



We don't aim to idealize a Russian woman though, thus we would be posting information about disturbing tendencies and dangerous practices a foreigner can come across looking for a Russian bride as well as notorious stereotypes about Russian women.



The major idea is that Russian women are not much different from all other women throughout the globe. They have the much similar concerns and tasks, fears and aspirations. They date, laugh, study, walk the career ladder, become mothers and take care of parents, like to get gifts. have hobbies. bring up children. have friends. travel. balance family budget. drive cars and use computers. dig at dachas. grow older. are affected by the stress and harmful habits and care about their health and beauty .



We go beyond the topic and also offer the visitor information about politics, economics, international and domestic news. opinion, living and useful information for visitors to Russia and some post Soviet countries and major events that are taking place there.



We hope that you could not only pick some cross-country knowledge here, like read about the Golden ring of Russian cities and Russian national emblems. natural and man-made wonders, but also entertain, laugh, amuse and admire the country's true treasure - the Russian women.



DISCLAIMER: The information contained on this site is for informational purposes only. The author provides no warranty about the content or accuracy of content enclosed.



I dream to meet a man with the same traits, joyful and exuberant in everything; a man with whom I'll feel comfortable and easy during the day, pleasant in the evening, hot at night and wonderful in the morning.



I seek a man who believes that respect, sharing and commitment are very important in a relationship.



Serious, successful, kind and caring man, preferably from Italy. I don't mind if he has children.



I would like to meet a kind, honest and caring white man for marriage. I believe, both partners should care for each other's feelings and needs.



I'd like to meet a man who is 30 - 40 y. o. without financial and housing problems, without bad habits (smoking not too much), smart, careful, generous, good looking, with a sense of humor, full of energy, who wants to have a strong, happy family, and of course he has to wants&love children!



I would like to find a calm and marriage minded man, who would be faithful and behave as a real man. I would also like him to be brave enough to take responsibility for his own actions, be able to accept my love and care, and would like to spend the rest of his life with one woman.



I am looking for a man who understands that the foundation of a long-term relationship is friendship and trust. I would like to find a man who would be my partner for life, my best friend, who would make me smile for the rest of our lives.



He should be honest, educated, loving, sincere, preferably taller than me. He should be able to manage household duties easily.



D ating World, is a Russian marriage agency and online dating service for single Russian women and Russian girls. We have been working in the international dating industry since 2002, we have helped hundreds of men from Europe, Australia, USA, Middle East, Canada, Japan and South America met their Ukrainian and Russian wives.



We are pleased to inform you that our agency is fully compliant with IMBRA (the International Marriage Broker Regulation Act) law, unlike many other dating sites featuring Russian brides.



Some men ask us about what are all these beautiful Russian women doing here? What makes Russian brides search for foreign husbands on dating services? Why single Russian girls want foreign soul mates for marriage? Can't these women find partners in Russia? Our answers to all these questions is No, they can't! Russia and Ukraine has always suffered from a shortage of men relative to the number of women.



We don't sell a single address for money. Being a member you get access to the whole database of Ukrainian and Russian women who are looking for marriage. We don’t offer you an email forwarding service or a website based mailing system. Our men members are able to get in direct contact and can access all the ladies personal contact details (emails, phone numbers, postal addresses, Skype and ICQ numbers). Also note Dating world does not exchange profiles of women with other agencies. Most women have been interviewed personally in our representative offices. We have a professional team of 31 people in 23 offices in Ukraine, Russia, Belarus and Moldova. Important note: Though most of our women have their phone numbers available and if you decided to join we strongly recommend you not call any woman before initial correspondence (email exchange). You should also ask for her permission before calling her.



Keep in mind we are completely different from agencies which do not allow men to get direct contact details from women during correspondence or those that charge their members for writing every email and for reading every message no matter what is written there. Moreover, all the correspondence is closely monitored by these sites operators. This is a never ending course because their system is that men can not receive personal contact information even if the ladies wish to give them.



Our women are real people, and they seek real love and relationships based on mutual understanding and respect. All Russian brides shown on our website are marriage minded and available for correspondence. We will give you the opportunity to meet and to establish relationships with the most beautiful, lovely, sexy and intelligent women in the world. Remember there are millions of attractive, sweet and well educated young women in the former USSR (Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, Moldova, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Uzbekistan and Kazakhstan), who are seeking a better life with loving men in the West.



To build any relationships especially with a woman that lives in another country which is thousands miles away from you is not a simple. And patience is very important in it. Sometimes difficult situations and misunderstandings happen. You should understand that it is normal and everything will settle down in a short while. Language barrier is easy to overcome, especially if you are going to be patient and willing to help your Russian woman. Remember it takes time to develop any successful relationship.



If you know you’re going to be married to someone out of your culture. there are a few things to think about. Primarily, don’t do it just because it seems like it would be fun and great. It looks great from the outside, but that wow factor quickly gets old. A successful intercultural for example Russian-Spanish marriage is great, but not because of what it looks like from the outside. It’s because of how much work and time it took to overcome the obstacles to successfully communicate and understand each other well.



Russian and Ukrainian culture and mentality is different, and you need to make sure you know it before getting into a relationship with a beautiful Russian woman or a sexy Ukrainian woman. It will save you time, money, headaches and possibly a broken heart as well.



In few words, dating Russian women is a lovely emotional adventure, especially if you are ready to explore all the Russian traditions in which you will be involved in. The dream of dating Ukrainian and Belarus women can come true for those who are careful, pay attention to the customs, and those men who have courtesy towards the woman, and her family. But remember attractive and single Russian women make great wives, but they are far from perfect. They are humans, so they have their demerits and just like any other marriage, marriage with a Russian woman requires work.



Russian women seeking marriage are not very different from other women around the world when it comes to what they really want from men. They want a true love and respect. Many young Ukrainian girls dream of starting a family with a husband who is committed to the family. Some females are divorced and have children and want to find a deep emotional feeling and tenderness once more.



If you are interested in a Russian woman, at least be clever enough and choose a Russian girl who will match your life interests and your age. Don't believe the advertisements that say young Russian girls are ready to marry men much, much older than they are. This is untrue. Keep the age difference to a respectable maybe 10-15 years. This range is quite ordinary in Ukraine and Russia, but any more than this and you are just asking for problems.



If you are wary about Ukrainian and Russian women dating sites or have had bad luck with them in the past, we understand your distrust. Some Russian dating agencies (particularly free dating sites) have gotten a bad reputation from a few dishonest and fly-by-night operations. There are many dating sites and free Russian women personals services offering you the most gorgeous, model-quality and sexy single girls but not all are what they seem.



Be aware of those singles free dating sites offering addresses for free. It costs a significant amount of money to operate an agency and a dating website. These sites do not go to the trouble and expense of finding and checking all the single women they publish.



Many articles have been written in newspapers, TV documentaries made about the rip-offs involved with these sites, different scams operated by (Russian women) and the traps awaiting the unsuspecting men who might lose their hearts and a lot of money when chasing their dream.



Don not be put off and focus on the negative put it in perspective. The truth is that there are thousands of successful marriages and a lot of examples of happy stories every year compared to the disappointments. The main rule is to believe in success and happy end.



The term Russian mail order bride refers to a Ukrainian, Russian and Belarus woman who wishes to find a man from a foreign country via email and dating services in order to marry him. At first, this term was used by news media to refer to foreign women who met men and married them after coming to their countries as their brides. But do not be misled by the term mail order brides. Sincere women looking for families are not mail order merchandise you can order on the Internet. There are many websites that are famous for providing information on Russian brides. These sites give you an impression that Russian women are desperate to meet foreigners and at times can lead to a rather negative impression about Russian women.



Most of our ladies are highly educated and many work as professionals. The women we represent have high moral and family values. It is important to understand that they are not (selling themselves) but seek suitable partners but you must be ready to work hard to win her heart. Make sure you treat the Russian women with respect like you would with any other women in your country. If you do not, you would wish you had never met a Russian woman!



At our introduction service you will find women personals with photos of single and honest Russian and Ukrainian women seeking men and soul mates of all ages, for love, romance and marriage worldwide you will also find some useful information and articles about Russian and Ukrainian brides and important correspondence advices.



We update our database regularly and submit up to 25 new profiles every week, and all female members are asked to inform us when they no longer consider themselves available so we could cancel their listing. Every week we receive 10-20 requests from women to remove their contact details because they have found somebody they like.



Each lady has a photo along with her personal information. so please feel free to browse the site to have an idea of the type of women you could meet and let us help you to find that perfect life partner.



If you are not convinced about yourself that this is for you, then don’t start dating or contacting Russian women for marriage. Russian women in our agency have already prepared themselves before they decided to join our dating site to meet serious looking single men from all over the world.



Remember once you have established a connection with a Russian woman and are thinking of marriage, things get complicated. You need to be prepared ahead of time by looking up the legal requirements of getting a woman from Russia into your own country. You should also be prepared financially to visit Russia or Ukraine at least once to see her before you officially marry. There is nothing like that first face-to-face meeting in which you really get to see her and give her your first hug.



Our purpose is to provide quality timely service for both parties, men and women and we think that we can do it for you. Does not matter if you are 20 or 60 years old, we can help you to find a suitable partner. We do not have age limits for men, and accept female members from 18 years old.



Taking into consideration the needs of our clients, "Dating WORLD" introduced a whole range of services with the only goal to make your way to your beloved shorter. Our site contains not only information on our services, but will also help you to understand what Russia and Ukraine are, their customs and traditions, explaining why Russian girls and Ukrainian girls are so different from the others.



If you’ve had enough of the loneliness which makes life seems so dull and if you want to change your life and find a Russian wife of your dreams. then it will be our pleasure to assist you to contact and establish relationship with any woman you choose here.



It is our honour and responsibility to provide you the qualitative service and your happy marriage will be the best reward for us. And don’t forget that a man is a maker of his own fortune. If you want to be happy, be happy. Good Luck.



Please do not hesitate to contact us if you have a question or need help. We are here to serve you and we will help you as much as we can on every stage of your search.



Copyright © 2002- 2014 dating-world. net All Rights Reserved



Go for your Dreams!



Welcome to a new generation of social network. Here, single men from the U. S. and Europe can meet beautiful Russian and Ukrainian women for dating and marriage



In our gallery you can find 1000+ single Ukrainian and Russian women for marriage from 13 cities of Ukraine. We have been working for more than 10 years (not bad!) and we have established a reputation of a reliable and first-class socializing service.



The majority of our clients are fully satisfied with the level of our services. They have had a successful dating experience, meeting Russian women of their dreams. Just read their interesting Testimonials on our site.



We have 50+ qualified translators who will professionally translate your letters to single russian women without any delay. Learn more



Dating



Dating is a part of human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship. beyond the level of friendship. or with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or marriage. It can be a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by the couple. While the term has several meanings, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple.



History [ edit ]



Dating as an institution is a relatively recent phenomenon which has mainly emerged in the last few centuries. From the standpoint of anthropology and sociology. dating is linked with other institutions such as marriage and the family which have also been changing rapidly and which have been subject to many forces, including advances in technology and medicine. As humans have evolved from hunter-gatherers into civilized societies and more recently into modern societies, there have been substantial changes in the relationship between men and women, with perhaps the only biological constant being that both adult women and men must have sexual intercourse for human procreation to happen. [ 3 ]



Humans have been compared to other species in terms of sexual behavior. Neurobiologist Robert Sapolsky constructed a reproductive spectrum with opposite poles being tournament species. in which males compete fiercely for reproductive privileges with females, and pair bond arrangements, in which a male and female will bond for life. [ 4 ] According to Sapolsky, humans are somewhat in the middle of this spectrum, in the sense that humans form pair bonds, but there is the possibility of cheating or changing partners. [ 4 ] These species-particular behavior patterns provide a context for aspects of human reproduction. including dating. However, one particularity of the human species is that pair bonds are often formed without necessarily having the intention of reproduction. In modern times, emphasis on the institution of marriage, generally described as a male-female bond, has obscured pair bonds formed by same-sex and transsexual couples, and that many heterosexual couples also bond for life without offspring, or that often pairs that do have offspring separate. Thus, the concept of marriage is changing widely in many countries.



Historically, marriages in most societies were arranged by parents and older relatives with the goal not being love but legacy and "economic stability and political alliances", according to anthropologists. [ 5 ] Accordingly, there was little need for a temporary trial period such as dating before a permanent community-recognized union was formed between a man and a woman. While pair-bonds of varying forms were recognized by most societies as acceptable social arrangements, marriage was reserved for heterosexual pairings and had a transactional nature, where wives were in many cases a form of property being exchanged between father and husband, and who would have to serve the function of reproduction. Communities exerted pressure on people to form pair-bonds in places such as Europe ; in China. according to sociologist Tang Can, society "demanded people get married before having a sexual relationship" [ 6 ] and many societies found that some formally recognized bond between a man and a woman was the best way of rearing and educating children as well as helping to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings regarding competition for mates.

пятница, 27 марта 2015 г.

Dating 9 months

Beat the odds,



Meet the man behind eHarmony



Dr. Neil Clark Warren, Founder



Dr. Warren is a clinical psychologist and author of eight books on love, marriage and emotional health. During 35 years of counseling thousands of married couples, Dr. Warren observed a set of characteristics that seemed to be present in all successful relationships. He called them the 29 Dimensions of Compatibility. After extensive research involving thousands of married couples, Dr. Warren confirmed that these dimensions were indeed highly predictive of relationship success and could be used to match singles. Ten years later, eHarmony's compatibility matching is responsible for nearly 4% of U. S. marriages.*



*2012 U. S. survey conducted for eHarmony by Harris Interactive®



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eHarmony is the first service within the online dating industry to use a scientific approach to matching highly compatible singles. eHarmony's matching is based on using its 29 DIMENSIONS® model to match couples based on features of compatibility found in thousands of successful relationships.



eHarmony is committed to helping singles find love every day . and with over 20 million registered online users, we are confident in our ability to do so. The eHarmony Compatibility Matching System® matches single women and men based on 29 Dimensions® of Compatibility for lasting and fulfilling relationships.



Traditional Internet dating can be challenging for those singles looking for love that lasts. But eHarmony is not a traditional dating site. Of all the single men or women you may meet online, very few will be compatible with you specifically, and it can be difficult to determine the level of compatibility of a potential partner through methods of conventional dating services – browsing classified ads, online personals, or viewing profile photos. Our Compatibility Matching System does the work for you by narrowing the field from thousands of single prospects to match you with a select group of compatible matches with whom you can build a quality relationship.



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eHarmony is different than other online dating websites and services, and we believe our success speaks for itself. On average, 438 people get married every day in the United States because of eHarmony; that accounts for nearly 4% of new U. S. marriages.* At eHarmony, we believe you deserve to find love – true love that comes with a lasting relationship. Because of this, we are committed to assisting singles everywhere in their search to find love and romantic fulfillment.



*2012 U. S. survey conducted for eHarmony by Harris Interactive® online, very few will be compatible with you specifically, and it can be difficult to determine the level of compatibility of a potential partner through methods of conventional dating services – browsing classified ads, online personals, or viewing profile photos. Our Compatibility Matching System does the work for you by narrowing the field from thousands of single prospects to match you with a select group of compatible matches with whom you can build a quality relationship.



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With over 20 million registered users, the eHarmony member base is an ethnically, racially, and religiously diverse group of individuals of all ages – all of whom are looking to find someone special. Amongst our most popular demographics are: Christian Singles. Jewish Singles. Black Singles. Hispanic Singles. Asian Singles. 30s Singles and Senior Singles. We understand it can be difficult to find a mate with whom you share a similar background, goals, or beliefs, and regardless of who you may be looking for, eHarmony wants to help you find the love of your life.



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Unlike traditional dating websites, eHarmony matches compatible men and women based on 29 Dimensions of Compatibility that are predictors of long-term relationship success. Determining compatibility through conventional dating methods could take months, or even years, of interaction between you and your potential partner. At eHarmony, we deliver more than personal ads . We are committed to matching you with truly compatible men or women in order to provide you with the best online dating and relationship experience possible. This is one of the many reasons why eHarmony is now the #1 Trusted Online Dating Site for American singles.



Free Online Dating Advice and Community



We at eHarmony want you to find love and romance and to make it last. To assist you in this quest, we offer free dating advice at: eH Advice. Meet people in our on line dating community, utilize our Date Planner, and receive advice from our relationship experts.



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eHarmony Success Stories



If you've met someone special through eHarmony, please contact us and let us know how it all started and how the relationship is progressing. Thousands of eHarmony couples have shared their stories with us. To learn more about eHarmony success stories, simply click the link below.



Find True Compatibility Today



Dating advice for people seeking love and better relationships.



10 Texts You Should Never Send to a Love Interest



We're highlighting the 10 text messages you should never, ever send to someone you’re dating. Like, ever.



13 Reasons to Date a Zombie



‘Tis the season to run away from zombies — or date them.



15 Amazing Things About October



October has to be among the most beloved months of the year. The changing leaves, the little goblins and ghouls knocking.



Couple Envy: ‘Why Am I Such a Terrible Person?’



Do You Live ‘For Yourself’?



Speed dating



Speed dating is a formalized matchmaking process or dating system whose purpose is to encourage people to meet a large number of new people. Its origins are credited to Rabbi Yaacov Deyo of Aish HaTorah. originally as a way to help Jewish singles meet and marry. [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] SpeedDating . as a single word, is a registered trademark of Aish HaTorah. Speed dating . as two separate words, is often used as a generic term for similar events.



Contents



Organization [ edit ]



Usually advance registration is required for speed dating events. Men and women are rotated to meet each other over a series of short "dates" usually lasting from three to eight minutes depending on the organization running the event. At the end of each interval, the organizer rings a bell, clinks a glass, or blows a whistle to signal the participants to move on to the next date. At the end of the event participants submit to the organizers a list of who they would like to provide their contact information to. If there is a match, contact information is forwarded to both parties. Contact information cannot be traded during the initial meeting, in order to reduce pressure to accept or reject a suitor to his or her face.



There are many speed dating events now in the United Kingdom. Canada. and the United States. Requirements for each event vary with the organizer. Specific age range based on gender is a common restriction for events. Many speed dating events are targeted at particular communities: for example, LGBT people, polyamorists. [ 4 ] Christians. [ 5 ] Graduate student speed dating events are common. [ 6 ]



Practice [ edit ]



Some feel that speed dating has some obvious advantages over most other venues for meeting people, such as bars, discotheques. etc. in that everybody is purportedly there to meet someone, they are grouped into compatible age ranges, it is time-efficient, and the structured interaction eliminates the need to introduce oneself. Unlike many bars, a speed dating event will, by necessity, be quiet enough for people to talk comfortably. Speed dating is for singles.



Participants can come alone without feeling out of place; alternatively it is something that women who like to go out in groups can do together. [ 7 ]



Because the matching itself happens after the event, people do not feel pressured to select or reject each other in person. On the other hand, feedback and gratification are delayed as participants must wait a day or two for their results to come in.



The time limit ensures that a participant will not be stuck with a boorish match for very long, and prevents participants from monopolizing one another's time. On the other hand, a couple that decides they are incompatible early on will have to sit together for the duration of the round.



Most speed dating events match people at random, and participants will meet different "types" that they might not normally talk to in a club. On the other hand, the random matching precludes the various cues, such as eye contact, that people use in bars to preselect each other before chatting them up.



Online speed dating [ edit ]



Several online dating services offer online speed dating where users meet online for video, audio or text chats. The advantage of online speed dating is that users can go on dates from home as it can be done from any internet enabled computer. The disadvantage is people do not actually meet one another.



Scientific research [ edit ]



There have been several studies of the round-robin dating systems themselves, as well as studies of interpersonal attraction that are relevant to these events. Other studies found speed-dating data useful as a way to observe individual choices among random participants.



First impressions [ edit ]



A 2005 study at the University of Pennsylvania of multiple HurryDate speed dating events found that most people made their choices within the first three seconds of meeting. Furthermore, issues such as religion, previous marriages, and smoking habits were found to play much less of a role than expected. [ 8 ] [ 9 ]



A 2006 study in Edinburgh, Scotland showed that 45% of the women participants in a speed-dating event and 22% of the men had come to a decision within the first 30 seconds. It also found that dialogue concerning travel resulted in more matches than dialogue about films. [ 10 ]



In a 2012 study, researchers found that activation of specific brain regions while viewing images of opposite-sex speed dating participants was predictive of whether or not a participant would later pursue or reject the viewed participants at an actual speed dating event. Men and women made decisions in a similar manner which incorporated the physical attractiveness and likability of the viewed participants in their evaluation. [ 11 ]



Subconscious preferences [ edit ]



Malcolm Gladwell 's book on split-second decision making, Blink , introduces two professors at Columbia University who run speed-dating events. Drs. Sheena Iyengar and Raymond Fisman found, from having the participants fill out questionnaires, that what people said they wanted in an ideal mate did not match their subconscious preferences. [ 12 ] [ 13 ]



Olfaction and the MHC [ edit ]



A 1995 study at the University of Bern showed that women appear to be attracted to the smell of men who have different MHC profiles from their own, and that oral contraceptives reversed this effect. [ 14 ]



The MHC is a region of the human genome involved with immune function. Because parents with more diverse MHC profiles would be expected to produce offspring with stronger immune systems. dissimilar MHC may play a role in sexual selection.



A speed "date" lasting several minutes should be long enough for the MHC hypothesis to come into play, provided the participants are seated close enough together. [ citation needed ]



Olfaction and pheromones [ edit ]



The TV newsmagazine 20/20 once sent both a male and a female set of twins to a speed dating event. One of each set was wearing pheromones. and the ones wearing pheromones received more matches. [ 15 ]



Age and height preference [ edit ]



A 2006 study by Michele Belot and Marco Francesconi into the relative effects of preference versus opportunity in mate selection showed, while concluding that opportunity was more important than preference, that a woman's age is the single most important factor determining demand by men. [ 16 ] Although less important than it is to men, age is still a highly significant factor determining demand by women.



The same study found that a man's height had a significant impact upon his desirability, with a reduction in height causing a decrease in desirability at the rate of 5% per inch.



Selectivity [ edit ]



Studies of speed dating events generally show more selectivity among women than among men. For instance, the Penn study reported that the average man was chosen by 34% of the women and the average woman was chosen by 49% of the men. [ 8 ] New studies suggest that the selectivity is based on which gender is seated and which is rotating. This new study showed that when men were seated and the women rotated, the men were more selective. [ 17 ]



Spin-offs [ edit ]



The popularity or charm of speed dating has led to at least one offspring: Speed Networking. A structured way of running business networking events with the goal of making meeting potential business contacts easier and more productive. Some speed dating companies have now started offering free speed dating where you do not pay unless you meet somebody you like.



Business speed dating has also been used in China as a way for business people to meet each other and to decide if they have similar business objectives and synergies. [ citation needed ] Speed dating offers participating investors and companies an opportunity to have focused private meetings with targeted groups in a compact time frame.



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Dating a BPD: Respect, Boundaries, How-To Guide



by Rick on 08/06/2014 · 107 comments



You’ll never succeed in a BPD type of relationship if you never learn how to develop and establish a level of respect for yourself. Through my years of dating and training experience, having a lack of self-respect is the quickest formula for failed relationships.



And it’s not just dating a BPD - any type of relationship you involve yourself in will be more successful the more you’re able to show that you value and respect yourself.



The good news it that commanding respect is not that hard. I’ve figured out how to show the women I date that I do respect myself and you’re not going to walk all over me, control me, disrespect me, etc.



Here are the important factors that you need to know right now so you can begin to implement these in your current and future relationships:



#1: Avoid The Honeymoon Commitment



Almost every single relationship involves some sort of honeymoon period where you’re both in a whirl of emotional highs. You’re both extremely touchy, can’t stop smiling, you’re in the bedroom as much as possible.



I get it, I’ve been caught up in these whirlwind romances multiple times in the past.



Now I have nothing against getting together with someone you like and letting your bodies enjoy each other as much as possible. It only becomes a problem when your fantasies take over .



Do you know what I mean by this? You’re two weeks into dating and you’re already telling each other that you love him or her. Yet that’s just not possible because love is built over a long period of time.



So why do we do this? Why do we say that we’re in love when it’s not true? Because of fantasies in our head.



We all want to be loved and cared for. There’s nothing wrong with that. But it is really a lack of self-respect when we allow our feelings and emotions to carelessly flow free so early.



Next thing you know, you’re caught up in this “rollercoaster” and you simply have no idea how to slow it down. Well, if you didn’t let things get out of control so early on, you wouldn’t be experience the craziness. So take back your self-respect and don’t be so easily committed.



#2: Fantasies and Seeking Perfection



To go a long with what I am saying above, your ideal partner and ‘love’ that you seek is really just a fantasy that you’ve created in your mind over the years. We all have fantasies but it’s important to not try to make them reality.



A BPD will make you feel like you’ve found the perfect partner - if you self-respect.



BPD’s will take advantage of this weakness in you if you let them. But as I outlined in my article about dating a BPD girl. it’s not just a BPD that will gain control over you…



There are a lot of people that will manipulate you, lie to you, use you, control you and more. Self-respect isn’t just something you need to be a better partner… it’s what you need to survive and succeed in this world!



I can’t stress how important it is to calm your feelings and think outside your head for a minute. Take notice of what whirlwind romance and don’t let it suck you up. It’s not the BPD’s fault – this is just what happens.



Squash these feelings of loneliness, bored and love-seeking you have and you’ll begin to respect yourself a lot more. Don’t be so quick to jump into any kind of relationship because it fulfills some fantasy you’ve thought about all your life.



Shameless Plug: If you’re in need of help and want me to personally assist you, consider joining my Member’s Only Forum and I’ll answer all your questions and assist you the best I can.



#3: It’s NOT Your Job To Save/Rescue/Help Anyone But Yourself



I have noticed that a lot of the BPD relationship books on the market are full of techniques, therapy and all this other stuff that you can use with your partner to help bring positive change.



Unfortunately, as long as you’re someone that’s weak, passive, no back bone, no self-respect, nothing will ever help you succeed in dating a BPD. You’ll just continue to experience the issues that have driven you into despair.



The WORST thing you can possibly do is scour the web looking for advice to help your partner.



I’m sure that’s what brought you here to my website which I am very thankful for. I do hope you’ll listen to my advice here closely:



The only person you need to worry about is you. You only have control over you and your behavior.



Back when I was getting into my first relationships, I was desperate, needy and desperately wanting to help my BPD girlfriends. I felt like I could save them and pull them into the light.



I went about it all wrong just as most guys do. We try to save our BPD partners incorrectly which actually pushes them away even more. We become more unattractive in their eyes. They can’t help but run.



It’s a really big sign of no respect for yourself when you’re spending all of your time trying to make things right in the relationship instead of focusing on your own goals, dreams, desires and more.



Both men and women make these mistakes when dating a BPD. These skills can all be learned, however, which is why I am here for you .



#4: You Must Educate Yourself



By you stumbling across this article, you are already in the process of educating yourself about BPD. Doesn’t that feel great? I really believe my information is the easiest to digest because it’s all based off of real world experience.



It’s important that you understand that men and women with BPD come from different, usually darker upbringings that you and I.



And while that’s usually pretty obvious to most people, it still amazes me how easily it’s forgotten when push comes to shove.



But this doesn’t mean you go ahead and lower your disrespect tolerance. Don’t ever do that! You’re just setting yourself up for more failure down the road.



BPD’s are usually insecure about themselves, they worry a lot, they can get anxious and more. You already know this.



But did you know that all of these things can easily be suppressed when you’ve shown yourself to be someone that’s strong, demanding of respect and 100% not amused by the outbursts?



Yes, this is completely true! I really want you to read my dating a BPD girl article because it has a letter from a BPD woman describing how her husband is great and keeps the relationship calm and fun.



The more you read about BPD from credible sources such as myself, the more you’ll realize how important it is to first work on establishing your own self-respect, boundaries, tolerances and more.



#5: Find That Edge



Do you have an edge? Do you know what it means to have that edgy side to you that people simply respect and don’t want to mess with?



Bender in The Breakfast Club is an extreme example of what it means to be a jerk. If you haven’t seen this movie yet, then I highly recommend you watch it as soon as you can.



He has an obvious edge to him, does whatever he wants, pisses everyone off without a care in the world and can’t be contained.



You don’t want to be bender. But you don’t want to be the geeky pushover either. You really must find that edgy side to you that isn’t afraid to push people around that get up in your grill.



I had a client from my coaching program email me about how he would just ignore and be silent on the couch when his BPD girlfriend would yell at him. He thought he was doing the right thing because he was non reactive and she would calm down.



However, this is still the wrong way to handle these outbursts. I explained to him how it’s very important to show that you respect yourself, that you don’t like being yelled at, that you aren’t afraid to get up in her space and basically radiate your masculinity all over her.



You don’t run from battle, you don’t cower in the corner when you’re facing a fight. You stand your ground and battle back.



But there is a right way of fighting back and a wrong way. Most people do it the wrong way and become an asshole like bender. Or they do nothing and sit passively like the geek.



It’s important to understand that while a normal girl would dump a nice, passive guy before even getting close to hooking up, a BPD will go out with you, hook up with you, possibly even get in a relationship with you, but leave you the minute an edgy guy enters her life.



Conclusion



I will be the first person to admit that it’s incredibly hard to change yourself. I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but did you know I used to be this insecure, codependent. small-minded, passive man?



It’s why I consistently ended up with BPD women. If I’m proof that change is possible, then I really believe that anybody can change. I’m really glad you’re here on my website because you’re hearing from a true success story.



The reason why I created the BPD Relationship Success Program is so you can have a guide laid out right in front of you. Everything I know is available for you in that guide. So check it out and buy it, it’s only $23.



Did you know that when you stop the habit of consistent improvement, you will fall back into your old self and bad habits? I call this the ghosts of the past coming back.



While BPD’s may have had a rough upbringing, I had the type of upbringing where I never learned how to look out for myself and develop that self-respect. I always had people taking care of me and telling me that I need to please others.



It sucks but it’s just what it is. It’s how I was raised. We all have our own unique story of how we were brought up but we don’t have to keep living that way.



When you eventually reach that level where you’re genuinely confident in yourself, you simply won’t allow yourself to be bothered by BPD behaviors and ‘craziness’.



They’ll actually stop affecting you, and you can truly poor out your love to your BPD partner who so badly needs it.



But in order to get to these levels of BPD success, you will need to first work on being a person that people in general respect.



If your family consistently treats you with a lack of respect, if your friends are consistently being dicks towards you, and if people in general just don’t show you respect, how can you even expect to have any type of healthy relationship with a significant other?



It’s simply not possible.



You need to ask yourself questions such as:



Do my close friends treat me with respect?



Does my family treat me with respect?



Do people in general treat me with respect?



If your answer is no to any of these questions or you’re simply not sure what respect is, then this is what you need to focus on going forward. I really want you to succeed!



What other ways do you know that can help you develop the self-respect that you need? Please share your comments below.



This is an awesome and educating website, a little too late for me though. After a year with a BPD girlfriend (I didn’t even know what that meant when I was with her and I am over 50) I finally called the cops on her after she physically assaulted me and tried to run me down with her car. I was more concerned about her craziness than what she did to me. She was arrested a few weeks later and sent to jail for a few days. She was tried and pleaded to a lesser offense. One of the conditions of her probation was “no contact” with me, which I think for the best. Some of the other conditions were no alcohol, no drugs, meds required (I don’t know what they are) and she could’nt go anywhere where booze was served. That would be a killer for and BPD person. I know she has already hooked up with other guys, but I still wish her the best. I get what it means to be a BPD (at least from a non perspective). I do agree that BPD women are very fascinating, intelligent, witty, charming, creative and interesting, but thinking back, I have attracted my fair share of woman like that (and the abuse that comes with it). This last one met all nine of the DSM-IV criteria for a BPD so it was a crazy ride to hell and back. I have decided I will take some time off from dating and work on myself. Spend more time with my children. But looking back over the last year, would I do it again? Hell yeah. That might sound masochistic (which I am not), but I really learned a lot about myself, relationships, and what makes women in general tick. No offense to women at all, but BPD women are like regular women on acid, adderall and steroids. BPD seems so much more prevalent today than in the past, probably has a lot to do with our post WW-2 disposable culture, workaholic work ethic, etc. I have children with two mildly borderline women and I would ask all dads out there, divorced or at home, to spend as much quality time with your kids as possible. Make them feel safe and secure and love them as much as you can. It’s so important and very rewarding. I also think it would help the next generation avoid the abandonment issues that the last 2-3 generations have experienced. Again, great website, your material is upfront and right on.



Thanks Chris!



It’s really interesting knowing that you’re 50+ and continues to prove my point that regardless of age, BPD has the same affects on people that don’t know what it exactly is. The key to dating these women is having YOUR OWN emotions in check. People with BPD feed off of emotions and when you react to their craziness, you are basically feeding their emotions. It’s unfortunate that your woman was crazy like that, but remember that you played into it, you fed it, etc. You are 50% of the relationship. It’s your job to have control over yourself. The fact that she got crazy like that means that you’re not meeting her emotional needs. You might not know what those are, but basically it means NOT feeding her at all, not giving into her BS, not allowing her to walk all over you, etc. The fact that she tried to run you over means that you stayed in the relationship WAY too long and now the kids are freaked out.



I agree with you on the children part. Give them all the support they need.



And now you know for the future – regardless of who you date, be the emotional rock. It doesn’t matter who I date these days, BPD or not – BPD doesn’t appear in my relationships because I am unaffected by it. That might be a hard concept to understand, but you’ll get it eventually



-Rick



Rick, Killer site but your reply to Chris (btw I am 57 and yea, Didn’t see this coming) I am an expert now. Anyway you state “BPD doesn’t appear in my relationships because I am unaffected by it.” In an intro piece I read, you wrote, you are in a RS with a BPD currently and ones from the past are trying to hook up, So if you don’t allow that why are their so many around. Yea, Jes sayin



Thank you for the very kind words. BPD isn’t that difficult to deal with once you establish the boundaries in the very beginning. They’ll either stick around or be gone for good. Nothing wrong with that



I have a lot of self-awareness after years battling depression, so I know what my flaws are, but still handled BPD very poorly.



I know how I fed his traits. It’s ying and yang. The more depressed I am or vulnerable, react to his attacks, cry or look weak, the more powerful angry and destructive he becomes.



I know I have his best self, his respect when I am happy and doing my own thing, but he can tell the difference between fake-happy, and real-happy…. so I don’t know how to mask the depression enough not to fed him or put a target on my head.



Obviously at the start of the relationship, one of the things I loved was his compassion towards my depression, as he had gone through that too… so the sudden sadism, was shocking.



Hey Rick, I wholeheartedly agree with what you said. A lot of us (both men and women) don’t know anything about BPD and we do play right into it. And it takes two to Tango. I downloaded your book and found it very insightful, not only for borderline relationships, but any relationship. Great job! I am also reading a book called “No More Mr. Nice Guy”, which has given me a lot of revelations about my own contribution to borderline relationships and why I am drawn to these women and what I do to make things worse. So many guys try to be “nice” and “perfect” and don’t understand why that doesn’t work in a relationship. It never will. It’s a perfect companion piece to your book. So I am shaking off the bad feelings and the financial mess of the last year, licking my wounds and assimilating the lessons learned, and enjoying the summer doing what I want to do. It might not be very exciting or thrilling (like this is the first time I have gone without sex since 1985), but I am happy to be getting to know myself again, spending quality time with my kids, and really appreciating the beautiful world around me (I am a part time professional photographer and see beauty in so many mundane things). One last thought, a few months into my relationship with my BPD ex, she told me that I should “run for my life”. I really didn’t quite get that at the time but since our breakup I have read similar stories from other people in my predicament. If our BPD partner may care enough about us (and/or has a lucid and rational moment), they may very well warn us to leave and never look back. It’s not that they are trying to dump you, I think they just don’t want to drag us into their mad world. So if you are lucky and get a warning like that from your partner, take it very seriously and decide what you want for yourself. It’s a way out if that’s what you want. They are respecting you enough to allow you the choice. It’s a one time offer though. After that, you have to live with your decision. Like Lestat said in “Interview with a Vampire”, “I’m going to give you the choice that I never had”.



Hey Chris thanks for the great comment.



If you haven’t done so yet, check out my post on Co-Dependency. This is the underlying problem to the failure of these relationships and 99% of guys out there have no idea what codependency is.



In fact, my next book is going to be completely about Codependency because it is absolutely a HUGE problem that people never know they have. Once I got my codependency issues solved, my life has really taken a major turn for the better. I’m not even attracted to BPD’s anymore lol, I simply don’t have the time to deal with their B. S. drama.



- Rick



Hi, I just wanted to say that I found your article very interesting and I am looking for advice, you obviously know what you are talking about. I am currently in the process of being diagnosed with bpd after suffering with the symptoms for as far back as I can remember. I have so many questions and feel like I should give up on the idea of sharing my life with anyone, children and marriage seem like completely alien and un achievable objectives, however I am torn between feeling like it is my right to have a loving relationship, and feeling as though it is unfair to put anyone through being close to me, I don’t want to hurt anyone but my distructive patterns continue and my love/hatred/obsession/disgust/depression/euphoria hit me and whoever has the misfortune to be close to me at the time) In huge tidal waves.



Any advise would be greatly appreciated I am very lost. Joining a nunnery on the other side of the world is not an option.



- when should I tell someone I am dating that I have issues with my emotions?



- how can I help them help keep themselves safe. so that I hae a chance of Somthing loving and meaningful rather than heartbreaking and distructive!?



Please help.



Yours in anticipation



Danielle



I think you can apply most of what I teach. It doesn’t matter if you’re a guy or a girl – at the end of the day, it’s all about making yourself better and commanding respect. Don’t let him lie to you, don’t let him hurt you. If he does, walk out or make him sleep on the couch!



Hi Cindy and Rick,



I’m also a female, with a BPD male. I can relate to Cindy, with the very strange behaviour. Mine also pays rent, bills, trips over backwards for me.



I wrote some more things here but felt they were too identifying, as my situation is very specific. I’ve left only things that could apply to many BPD men.



He’s not cheating (I would never tolerate that, and made that clear from day 1)



In fact he has been cheated on, so I felt sorry for him, and know he wouldn’t do that to someone else.



When he was in the first year of honeymoon phase, i thought he was perfect. I’m creative, passionate and intense, I don’t have BDP myself, but have depression.



So I have my own clingliness to an extent, and when I saw how emotional/sensitive, yet masculine, assertive he was, it seemed like the perfect combo!



How many kind, generous, strong guys out there are also just as clingy/affectionate as a woman.



He asked if it was ok, and i was blissfully happy with it. Sometimes I was secretly annoyed by someone that almost sits on top of you on the couch 24/7, but I’d rather an affectionate guy, than a cold one.



Then suddenly when the realtionship was going very well, we lived together things are all good…he starts the hot-cold cycle…going in the opposite direction…



This was frustrating as I was studying when we met, had many friends at that time, and he’d get so jealous when I’d speak to them on the phone.



After a year I lost many friends, he got bored.



So before all my socializing, was cause for jealousy, now he mocks my loneliness and lack of social life. Now he also went from an introvert to an extravert, suddenly having all these friends, now I have pretty much none! I feel needy, lonely and dependant.



How he twisted the situation….its baffling. But when he was the needy one, I was kind about it, introduced him to my friends, and did not yell at him about it.



So now I have very few friends…



I can love him, but still feel as soon as its possible I should let go, even though he’s my only friend right now, its a Jekyl and Hyde friend that will suddenly be nasty, so not worth it. Maybe it will force me to start again, sadly all my friends are now mutual friends with him too.



He’s also gone from over sharing, to super-secretive.



I feel BPD will put up and do more than an average person…but in return they give you back any emotional issues 10x..



I think the relationship can work if you have many friends, your own life, so as Rick says when they go cold, you are not alone like me. You need to be able to have people to go cold on them back.



He knows that he has someone to come back to because I’m stuck!



I am still being strong, but it takes him more time to feel lonely than I do, as he was many friends….



So seeing my friends are friends with him…*sigh* He’s more likable on the surface.



I know if I had my own circle of separate friends, I could play hard-ball right back at him, because I would no longer cater to his jealousy, or drop everything for him.



When he wants attention, he wants it then and there. if I could walk out I would, despite missing him, out of self-respect, but I don’t have a dime. (or anyone else)



I am aware this is very pathetic, but I don’t even know where to begin or who to talk to, as he was my best friend.



He also said typical borderline things, like how I’m “too nice” which was weird as I felt so sorry for him, about his exes cheating and being bitches. At first he seemed so relieved to have a soft-hearted person like me.



How do they hide their true natures for years.



Dating a BPD man seems to be a much more difficult process than dating a BPD woman. However, the reality is that this isn’t a genetic disorder – it all has to do somewhere in their upbringing, some traumatic experience, lack of real love, etc. I grew up in a loving but basically a religious, anti-sexual/anti-intimacy family and ended up having some major codependency issues. I’ve since fixed these issues. Codependency can be JUST as damaging as BPD behavior. Most of the non’s that get into relationships with BPD’s suffer from codependency. Just like BPD, codependency is a serious disorder and is NOT genetic — it’s due to upbringing. It’s usually caused by parents that put shame on being sexual and even intimate and being honest with your feelings. What ends up happening is that when you grow up, you become desperate for intimacy but you’re also trying to hide these intentions which means you’re not being honest to the person you like NOR yourself. Can anyone tell me of a relationship that worked out when you’re not honest? You become intensely needy and allow yourself to become a pushover just for a little bit of love and intimacy. This obviously creates a very toxic situation.



My family for as long as I can remember teased me about girls from a very young age all the way through high school. They NEVER offered support. I always felt like I was being shamed for liking girls even if this wasn’t there intention at all. Me and all of my brothers rarely ever talked about any girls we knew due to this teasing. I think this is a very common issue. What ended up happening in my case is that I thought it was taboo to like girls. Intimacy becomes this fantasy that I wanted more than anything. Such bullshit. I never told my parents when I was going out with girls, EVER. Because of this upbringing, I ended up becoming desperately obsessed with intimacy. So when I got a girlfriend, I wanted to do nothing but touch her all day. This is classic codependency and extremely unattractive. You end up spending all your time and effort trying to please your partner INSTEAD OF focusing on yourself and improving your life.



I really want to dedicate this site to codependency just as much as it’s about BPD. The reason being that it’s just as serious of an issue. Getting help for BPD means becoming knowledgeable about yourself as well as the disorder. It also means changing your mindsets and dropping this codependency issue you’ve had forever. BPD’s love the attention that codependency people force on them early on, but as with ALL relationships, neediness ultimately is unattractive and so BPD’s run



Hi Rick,



Thank you for your reply. My email did not notify me of a response.



Your reply is candid and I appreciate you opening up and sharing about your life; it’s inspired me to return the gesture in my comment here. You have said some very thoughtful things.



I have come back here after making some changes and progress, but yet again having difficulty with respect.



Progress:



I now have a wide circle of acquaintances that are not his mutual friends.



Seeing over the 5 + years of involvement with him, it is still incredibly hard to start from scratch as an adult and work on building new friendships.



They are still acquaintances as turning an acquaintance into a friend takes time and effort. But out of this large circle I see maybe three of those people with potential to be friends that I spend time with more often.



You are correct about BPD male being a different can of worms. Most BPD advice is about women with BPD, and there are some things that just don’t apply or are very different ball game.



There are also some core things that are the same.



As far as my unbringing. It was actually very similar to the BPD! and a little in common with you too.



I find it interesting if you look at the points below, you might see how similar, but slight variations that must have made all the difference.



It still boggles my ming how a slight change in scenarios we both shared resulted in him BPD more prone to rage, and me more prone to depression.



-I was sexually abused over a few years by a male family figure and/ he was raped in a single violent act by another man as a child.



-I was raised by a single mother with no father in picture,/ he had divorced parents and was raised between both.



-He was isolated and alone a lot as child./ I had many friends.



-We both left home at an early age. He did by choice (or so he says)/ I was under pressure to leave. I wasn’t prepared, I felt it hampered me as I didn’t learn many life skills./ He left it forced him to learn his own life skills.



-I had happiness at school with other young children,/ he did not.



-He had anger issues as young adult + daredevil./ I became nervous and the opposite of that. Risk adverse.



-He had parents that always wanted more out of him, nothing was ever good enough./ My mum put a lot of fear into my head and was always a homemaker.



-His parents didn’t have time for him as a kid. /My mum had generous time for me (she was also very sweet), then suddenly withdrew it.



-Besides a period abuse my childhood was happy, /his sounds lonely.



-I had support at some times./He didn’t. The person he trusted passed away.



So similar, but I’m sure you can see crucial differences.



As far as what you said about yourself, sex was not shamed, in fact we had liberal family in many ways. We were also not religious.



However I can relate to negative emotion denial. I’m not sure if this is the crucial difference between him and I.



When I was growing up my mother pulled away as soon as I displayed teenage depression. Sadness and anger were not allowed, and she would eerily smile instead of being sad. Everyone had to be happy and nice. Depression and anger were shamed.



I have improved myself in many ways. Some things have improved, but I still have major respect issues. I tell him I will not accept verbal abuse or swearing or certain rage behaviors but he does them anyway. I’m at a loss of how to enforce the respect as he doesn’t really care if I pull away or do certain things.



His black and white attitude says basically: “be happy/deal with it, or call the police”



There’s no middle ground/solution between love/acceptance and total freak out.



He has not broken any laws, has not cheated, and in his mind verbal abuse is not a crime so there is no punishment…



There should be a middle ground between totally kicking someone out and being a doormat!



I apologize if this was too long!



Hey thanks for kind words. Yes, you have got to establish everything very early on like when she does her very FIRST crazy spell, you have got to be like WOA GIRL WTF instead of sitting there like a pussy and taking her abuse. Good job man! It’s all a learning experience.



Hey Rick,



Your words are awesome. I also grabbed your book; good stuff. I split with my ex a little over a month ago. I actually don’t know if she has this disorder but i know she’s got something. She display many of these signs but not as extreme as what has been portrayed. She also displays many signs that don’t fit (taking blame, reaching out, etc). Anyways, i’m a strong person but i let shit slide for a long time thinking she would realize she’s being unreasonable. Finally after the breakup i’m not holding back. I let her know exactly what I’m not tolerating or subjecting myself to with her or anyone. She started calling/text again recently but that shortly ended after i discovered she had cheated. Surprisingly she came out with it all & how “messed up she is”, how much she regrets it, what can she do to fix things, how she’s going to change, etc. I simply told her maybe one day in the future she will have changed & things will be different but things wont be different any time soon. I reiterated what i’m not tolerating & how i am not going to be disrespected or treated badly a second longer. Communication from then on has been sporadic. She’s made attempts to contact me & so have I. Recently, i finally decided to drop all her belongings off at her house since she has STILL not come to get them. This made her lash out in a fit of upset tears followed the next day by an angry text. I simply let her know i did not give her things back b/c of anger but that it was time she have them. She called me “unhinged” which i followed up by a simple “yes, i’m unhinged”.



I know you know when i say this but i feel a very strong attraction towards her. I of course love her but i can definitely move on. While i have no idea if she has BPD or how extreme her illness is, I’ve heard many things about these people either never coming back or coming back to you again. Should i be expecting her to reach out to me one day in an attempt to come back? She’s still very young. If the circumstances were right, i would probably take it slow with her and be the strongest person in the world. But again, i’m not sitting around waiting for this to happen. I’m living my life for me under my terms, end of story.

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Опубликовано: 27 марта 2012 г.



Siddhartha Gautama Buddha (Sanskrit: ????????? ???? ?????; Pali: Siddhattha Gotama) was a spiritual teacher from the Indian subcontinent, Lumbini (today in Nepal), on whose teachings Buddhism was founded.[1] The word Buddha is a title for the first awakened being in an era. In most Buddhist traditions, Siddhartha Gautam is regarded as the Supreme Buddha (P. sammasambuddha, S. samyaksa? buddha) of our age, "Buddha" meaning "awakened one" or "the enlightened one." [note 1] Siddhartha Gautama may also be referred to as Gautama Buddha or as Sakyamuni ("Sage of the Sakyas"). The Buddha found a Middle Way that ameliorated the extreme asceticism found in the Sramana religions.[2]



The time of Gautama's birth and death are uncertain: most early 20th-century historians dated his lifetime as c. 563 BCE to 483 BCE,[3] but more recent opinion dates his death to between 486 and 483 BCE or, according to some, between 411 and 400 BCE.[4][5] UNESCO lists Lumbini, Nepal, as a world heritage site and birthplace of Gautama Buddha.[6][7] There are also claims about birth place of Gautama Buddha to be Kapilavastu at Piprahwa, Uttar Pradesh, or Kapileswara, Orissa, modern India.[8][9][10][11][12] He later taught throughout regions of eastern India such as Magadha and Kosala.[13][14]



Gautama is the primary figure in Buddhism, and accounts of his life, discourses, and monastic rules are believed by Buddhists to have been summarized after his death and memorized by his followers. Various collections of teachings attributed to him were passed down by oral tradition, and first committed to writing about 400 years later.



The primary sources for the life of Siddhartha Gautama are in a variety of different and sometimes conflicting traditional biographies. These include the Buddhacarita, Lalitavistara Sutra, Mahavastu, and the Nidanakatha.[15] Of these, the Buddhacarita is the earliest full biography, an epic poem written by the poet Asvagho? a, and dating around the beginning of the 2nd century CE.[15] The Lalitavistara Sutra is the next oldest biography, a Mahayana/Sarvastivada biography dating to the 3rd century CE.[16] The Mahavastu from the Mahasa? ghika Lokottaravada sect is another major biography, composed incrementally until perhaps the 4th century CE.[16] The Dharmaguptaka biography of the Buddha is the most exhaustive, and is entitled the Abhini? krama? a Sutra, and various Chinese translations of this date between the 3rd and 6th century CE. Lastly, the Nidanakatha is from the Theravada sect in Sri Lanka, composed in the 5th century CE by Buddhagho? a.[17]



From canonical sources, the Jataka tales, Mahapadana Sutta (DN 14), and the Achariyabhuta Sutta (MN 123) include selective accounts that may be older, but are not full biographies. The Jataka tales retell previous lives of Gautama as a bodhisattva, and the first collection of these can be dated among the earliest Buddhist texts.[18] The Mahapadana Sutta and Acchariyaabbhuta Sutta both recount miraculous events surrounding Gautama's birth, such as the bodhisattva's descent from Tu? ita Heaven into his mother's womb.



Traditional biographies of Gautama generally include numerous miracles, omens, and supernatural events. The character of the Buddha in these traditional biographies is often that of a fully transcendent (Skt. lokottara) and perfected being who is unencumbered by the mundane world. In the Mahavastu, over the course of many lives, Gautama is said to have developed supramundane abilities including: a painless birth conceived without intercourse; no need for sleep, food, medicine, or bathing, although engaging in such "in conformity with the world"; omniscience, and the ability to "suppress karma".[19] Nevertheless, some of the more ordinary details of his life have been gathered from these traditional sources. In modern times there has been an attempt to form a secular understanding of Siddhartha Gautama's life by omitting the traditional supernatural elements of his early biographies.



WELCOME TO KIEV UKRAINE CITY GUIDE!



Kiev (Kyiv) is one of the more beautiful cities in Europe. Founded 1500 years ago, Kiev is the bustling capital of newly independent Ukraine.



This city, with a population of 3 million people, is distinguished for its rich architecture and cultural life.



A visitor to Kiev cannot help but to notice its women. The ladies of Kiev, at AnastasiaDate, are some of the most beautiful, friendly, sexy women on the planet. Click on one of the above banners. Click here to See Kiev City Slide Presentation



eBay: Do's and Don'ts for Beginning eBayers, 2014



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Separate multiple addresses with commas. Limited to 10 recipients. We will not share any of the email addresses on this form with third parties.



eBay Do #1: Ask Questions.



(February, 2014: special thanks to guest eBay author, Joanna Gil, for this list. This is part of the Become a Confident eBayer reference series.)



Never place a bid, or “Buy it now”, without a careful examination of the auction first.



Make sure that you know exactly what it is that you’re bidding on at eBay. This may sound like common sense, but it's amazing how many new eBayers lose themselves in the excitement, they forget to pay attention to the details.



Be aware of any conditions the eBay seller might have placed in the ad.



These could include: method of payment, shipping and handling cost, amount of time before item will be mailed out, or any extra costs such as taxes or duties, etc. Also, when it comes to an article of clothing, or shoes, make sure to note the size, color, fabric, finishing, any possible flaws, wear and tear, or damage. This is especially important if the item is “used”, “pre-loved”, or “vintage”.



If there is anything you are not quite sure of, get more information from the eBay seller before you bid. You can do it by clicking “Ask seller a question”, either on the right-hand side or near the bottom of the listing.



The vast majority of sellers encourage potential buyers to ask as many questions as necessary to help them make an educated buying decision.



Since you cannot examine the item in person, you have to rely on the information provided by the seller. After all, once you place a winning bid, you are obligated to complete the transaction.



10 Surprising Facts About the "New" Autism Spectrum Disorder



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Updated July 17, 2014.



In May, 2013, the American Psychiatric Association published the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), Version Five, better known as the DSM-5. The new DSM, like all its predecessors, adds new disorders; eliminates others; and makes changes to criteria determining diagnoses.



As with the last two versions of the DSM, this version makes significant changes to autism. The new version eliminates the four prior autism spectrum diagnoses. Asperger syndrome, Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Childhood Disintegrative Disorder, and Autistic Disorder), and shifts Rett syndrome, a genetic disorder, into a different category. Instead of five diagnostic categories, therefore, we have just one: Autism Spectrum Disorder.



What does all this mean to people with autism and those who love, support, teach, or treat them? To find out, I interviewed several major people involved with its creation and/or interpretation; here are ten of the most surprising, significant, and/or useful answers I received.



2. Do Top Mental Health Experts Agree that the New DSM-5 Represents the Best Thinking of the Day?



INTRODUCTION



If the patriarchs are taken to be historical figures, during which archaeological period can their lives and journeys most aptly be placed? Until recently, scholars assuming the basic historicity of the patriarchal narratives have favoured either Middle Bronze I[1 ] or Middle Bronze II as the most likely background for the movements of Abraham. A later date, in the Late Bronze Age, has also been defended, but has never had the same support. More recently, a much earlier date, in the Early Bronze Age, has been suggested. This paper will consider all four of these datings, but particular attention will be given to the MB (Middle Bronze) I and MB II periods and their problems. These problems arise from the apparent non-occupation of sites which feature in the patriarchal narratives.



In 1949, Albright was able to write that only 'a few diehards among older scholars' had not accepted the essential historicity of the patriarchal traditions in the light of archaeological data, and that it was no longer fashionable to view those traditions as artificial creations by the scribes of the monarchic period.[2 ] He was able to repeat this statement fourteen years later.[3 ] Since then, however, there has been a strong reaction against the use of archaeological evidence in support of the biblical traditions,[4 ] and Albright's comment could not be repeated with any truth today.



Scholars who prefer to see the patriarchal narratives as unhistorical products of the first millennium BC have justified their view in part by referring to the difficulty of locating the patriarchs in an early archaeological period.[5 ] In response, N. M. Sarna has rightly



[p.60]



pointed out that an inability to place the patriarchs in a historical framework according to the present state of our knowledge does not necessarily invalidate the historicity of the narratives.[6 ] Our knowledge of the centuries around 2000 BC is very small, and our ignorance very great. Nevertheless, some specific suggestions can be made towards resolving the difficulties and answering the critics of historicity.



The aim of the present paper is therefore twofold: to examine the appropriateness of various archaeological periods as backgrounds to the patriarchal narratives, and to assess the arguments put forward on archaeological grounds for rejecting the view that the narratives reflect real conditions in an early period.



1. A BRIEF DISCUSSION OF ARCHAEOLOGICAL PERIODS



1.1. The MB I background and its problems



The view relating the patriarchs to the MB I period has been described as 'the classic formulation'.[7 ] It took shape in the 1930s, chiefly at the hands of W. F. Albright and N. Glueck.



In the l920s Albright argued that the finds on the plain of Bab edh-Dhrâ, to the east of the Dead Sea, were archaeological proof for the existence of a sedentary population in that area between the middle of the third millennium and the nineteenth century BC. He believed that occupation in the region ended abruptly 'not later than 1800 BC at the outside', and linked this with the cataclysm described in Genesis 18 - 19.[8 ] This link suggested to Albright that 'the date of Abraham cannot be placed earlier than the nineteenth century BC'.[9 ] This fell within the dates then assigned to MB I (2000 - 1800 BC).[10 ]



In 1929 Albright discovered a line of Early and Middle Bronze Age mounds 'running down along the eastern edge of Gilead, between the desert and the forests of Gilead'.[11 ] This confirmed for him the essential historicity of the campaign waged by the eastern kings in Genesis 14, an event which he had previously considered legendary. Albright's explorations in Transjordan were continued in the 1930s by Glueck, who traced a line of MB I settlements reaching most of the length of Transjordan. From 1932 onwards, Glueck's explorations revealed that most of these sites were deserted by the end of MB I, many of them never to be reoccupied. Both Glueck and Albright linked the termination of these sites



[p.61]



with the campaign of the eastern kings.[12 ]



From 1952 onwards, Glueck conducted an archaeological survey of the Negeb, and again found many MB I settlements. Arguing that the time of Abraham's journeys through the Negeb (Gn. 12:9; 13:1) must have been a period when permanent or temporary settlements and camping places flourished in the region, Glueck confidently identified MB I as the 'Age of Abraham', and coined the term 'the Abrahamitic period' as a synonym for it.[13 ]



Subsequently, Albright developed the theory that Abraham had been a donkey-caravaneer, trading originally between Ur and Haran, later between Damascus and Egypt. This view was first presented by Albright in 1961,[14 ] by which time the terminal date MB I had been raised from c. 1800 BC to c. 1900 BC.[15 ] In presenting his caravaneer hypothesis, Albright had to re-argue a date of c. 1800 BC for the end of MB I, because the documentary evidence which he assembled for early donkey-caravan trading belonged to the nineteenth century BC.[16 ] Although this date was cited by a few scholars for a time, it was soon universally rejected. Replying to Albright, W. G. Dever and T. L. Thompson have both noted the evidence in favour of MB II beginning earlier than 1800 BC. In 1970, Dever argued that IIA could not begin earlier than c. 1875 - 1850 BC,[17 ] but he subsequently described this estimate as 'probably too conservative', and raised the date for the transition to c. 1950 - 1900 BC,[18 ] and later to 2000 - 1950 BC.[19 ] Thompson has also shown that the low dates for MB I must be rejected, and has dismantled in detail Albright's argument that the first four royal tombs at Byblos (containing MB IIA pottery) postdate the end of the nineteenth century BC.[20 ] A date for the end of MB I in the twentieth century BC is now the general consensus among archaeologists.[21 ] The reasons for this dating need not be examined here, and can be found in the sources cited. The point to be noted is the implication of this date for Albright's hypothesis. Thompson has rightly pointed out that the low chronology for MB I is the central key to Albright's thesis. 'Once this is seen as untenable, the rise of the caravan trade under the Twelfth Dynasty pharaohs can no longer be associated with the 22 settlements of MB I either in Palestine or the Negev'.[22 ]



An attempt to retain Albright's thesis and his consequent dating of Abraham to the nineteenth century BC, while adopting the high chronology now required for MB I, would naturally place Abraham in MB II.[23 ] But, as will be noted below, there are problems for an MB II date for Abraham. The most reasonable course is actually to abandon the donkey-caravaneer hypothesis altogether. It



[p.62]



has been aptly criticized as going beyond the biblical evidence,[24 ] and few scholars have taken it seriously.[25 ]



The link between Abraham and MB I has also been bolstered by the so-called Amorite hypothesis. However, this hypothesis also features in the views of some scholars who place Abraham in MB II, and it will be discussed separately below.



Since an MB I dating of Abraham has been maintained independently of the donkey-caravaneer hypothesis, the justified criticisms of that hypothesis do not themselves refute the placement of Abraham in MB I. However, that dating has also been undermined in other ways, and these must be noted.



The end of occupation at Bab edh-Dhrâ can no longer be linked with the destruction of the 'cities of the plain' in Genesis 18 - 19 if Abraham is placed in MB I. Lapp's excavations in 1963-65 showed that the town site was abandoned at the close of EB III, c. 2400 - 2300 BC; remains from EB IV attest only squatter occupation, and a few scattered tombs are the only finds from MB I.[26 ]



Glueck's argument for associating the campaign of the eastern kings with the end of MB I occupation in Transjordan has been criticized by Dever. While Glueck wrote of all these sites being 'destroyed at the end of the Middle Bronze I period',[27 ] Dever notes: 'There is no evidence whatsoever for a "destruction" at the end of MB I, as claimed by Glueck.'[28 ] Thompson also notes the lack of evidence for destructions, 'let alone the abandonment of all of the sites at any single time'.[29 ]



But the most serious criticisms concern the non-occupation of certain sites which feature in the patriarchal narratives. Thompson points out that Beersheba did not exist before the Iron Age, that Succoth, if identified with Tell Deir 'Alla as Glueck suggested, was not occupied before the Late Bronze Age, and that Salem, if the same as Jerusalem, has yielded no evidence of MB I settlement; Ai (Et-Tell) was not occupied between c. 2500 BC and the Iron Age, while Shechem was not occupied before MB IIA.[30 ] J. Van Seters also stresses that Shechem and Beersheba have no MB I settlements,[31 ] and Dever elaborates concerning the latter: 'Extensive surveys and excavations by Aharoni, Kochavi, and other Israeli archaeologists in Beersheba and vicinity have in fact revealed a conspicuous lack of MB I sites through· out the northern Negeb.'[32 ] Dever describes Shechem as 'the parade example' of a site which Albright listed as having MB I occupation, but where the evidence had actually been misunderstood;[33 ] apart from a small settlement in the Chalcolithic period, occupation began in MB IIA.[34 ]



[p.63]



Dever also criticizes Albright's view[35 ] that Bethel was 'extensively peopled' in MB I; he has demonstrated that remains attributed to MB I in Kelso's report actually belong to the MB IIA city,[36 ] and that MB I occupation is 'supported by a mere handful of sherds'.[37 ] Dever also extends Thompson's list of problematical sites by the addition of Dothan and Hebron.[38 ] In his view, 'A date in MB I is ruled out for the patriarchs simply because the latest evidence shows that the main centres traditionally associated with their movements, pace Albright, are conspicuously lacking in MB I remains.'[39 ]



Whether MB I can be rejected as finally as such statements suggest will be discussed below.



1.2. The MB II background and its problems



Several scholars prefer to assign the patriarchs generally to the first half of the second millennium BC.[40 ] This places the patriarchal period within MB II.



The MB II period as a background to the patriarchal traditions avoids some of the difficulties we have noted concerning MB I. In MB II, Jerusalem, Shechem, Bethel, Hebron and Dothan were urban centres.[41 ] However, some difficulties remain. Beersheba, Succoth and Ai appear to be equally problematical in MB II. In addition, MB II raises difficulties of its own: 'To date, not a single MB IIA site has been found in all of southern Transjordan or the Negeb - one of the principal arenas of patriarchal activities in Genesis.'[42 ] On balance, then, MB II appears to be no more satisfactory than MB I.



1.3. The patriarchs and the Amorite hypothesis



The patriarchal period has been linked with both MB I and MB II on the basis of the Amorite hypothesis.



The end of EB III saw the disruption of urban life throughout Syria and Palestine. The EB III towns were destroyed, and the culture of the subsequent EB IV/MB I period was largely non-urban. This period is seen in terms of the slow sedentarization of nomadic or semi-nomadic newcomers, to whom the destruction of the EB III towns is generally attributed. A reversion to town life is attested at the beginning of MB IIA, and this has been ascribed to a further influx of newcomers. The newcomers in both periods are assumed to have been Amorites, the 'westerners' attested in Akkadian texts from the last quarter of the third millennium onwards. On the basis of a combination of textual and archaeological evidence, Amorite expansions have been posited in which these people moved from Mesopotamia, through Syria and Palestine and on into Egypt. It should be noted, however, that more than



[p.64]



the two major influxes mentioned above are envisaged, so that a number of migrations into Palestine, extending over several centuries, are in view.[43 ]



This picture of westward expansions by West Semitic peoples provides an attractive historical context for the migration of Abraham and his family from Ur to Haran and from there to Palestine and on into Egypt. This has been noted by Albright[44 ] and R. de Vaux,[45 ] but while Albright assumed an MB I setting for Abraham, de Vaux preferred to place his migration in MB IIA,[46 ] when urban society was being re-established. It must be stressed, however, that the term 'Amorite hypothesis' refers not to a possible link between Amorite movements and the migration of Abraham, but to the Amorite movements themselves.



This hypothesis, depending as it does on a large amount of interpretation of textual and archaeological evidence, has recently been heavily criticized by Thompson. Thompson shows that although early West Semites do appear in South Mesopotamia, including the region of Ur, there is no historical evidence for a migration from there to the north; the West Semites attested in North Mesopotamia seem to have settled there after a migration from the North Arabian desert.[47 ] The written materials currently available 'do not witness to a major West Semitic migration in Palestine in the early Second Millennium, and argue against any such migration from North Mesopotamia'.[48 ] Thompson further argues that the Amu ('3mu), or 'Asiatics' who entered Egypt during the First Intermediate Period and the XIth Dynasty, were not part of any widespread nomadic movement, but people living along Egypt's eastern border.[49 ] Discussing the Palestinian archaeological evidence for the nature of MB I, Thompson asserts that the Amorite hypothesis has influenced the interpretation of the finds, and argues strongly against the Amorite and nomadic character of the period, and against the view which attributes the disruption of urban civilization the end of EB III to an invasion from the north.[50 ] Thompson also draws attention to evidence of some continuity between MB I and MB IIA, rejecting any implication of a complete break between the two cultures.[51 ]



In spite of Thompson's very thorough critique, Dever has continued to hold to a version of the Amorite hypothesis on the basis of archaeological material, insisting that MB I and MB IIA saw new influxes of West Semitic peoples into Palestine from Syria.[52 ] Dever insists, however, that the problem of locating the biblical patriarchs historically 'is a separate question and one that is likely to prejudice the discussion of MB I'.[54 ]



[p.65]



Thompson has recently remarked that Dever 'seems unaware of how inseparable the migratory aspect of the old "Amorite hypothesis" is from the biblical story - indeed it is only in Genesis that any indication of a migration from the Euphrates region can be found'.[54 ] This deserves to be stressed. The framework into which widely scattered evidence has been drawn in the construction of the Amorite hypothesis is provided only by the biblical story of Abraham's movements, and without that framework the hypothesis is fundamentally without support. On the other hand, the migration spoken of in Genesis involves only a single family, and it is nowhere implied that that family's movements were part of a wider shift or expansion of population; therefore the movements attributed to Abraham and his family do not support the Amorite hypothesis in any case - and neither do they require the Amorite hypothesis to support their historicity.



On the basis of evidence currently available, the validity of the Amorite hypothesis remains extremely doubtful. For the reasons just stated, however, it should indeed be treated as a separate issue from discussions of the patriarchal age. As Sarna has remarked: 'If Abraham's migration can no longer be explained as part of a larger Amorite migratory stream from east to west, it should be noted that what has fallen by the wayside is a scholarly hypothesis, not the Biblical text. Genesis itself presents the movement from Haran to Canaan as an individual, unique act undertaken in response to a divine call, an event, not an incident, that inaugurates a new and decisive stage in God's plan of history. The factuality or otherwise of this Biblical evaluation lies beyond the scope of scholarly research.'[55 ]



1.4. The LBA background



The view propounded by C. H. Gordon places the lives of Abraham and Jacob in the fourteenth century BC (LB II).[56 ] This placement rests chiefly on the parallels which Gordon sees between patriarchal practices and the social customs reflected in the fifteenth - thirteenth century texts from Nuzi and Ugarit.



This view will not be discussed in detail here. The parallels on which rests have been criticized by a number of scholars.[57 ] Without these, such a dating has nothing to support it.



Further, it is impossible to reconcile such a late date with the internal biblical chronology. Even placing the Exodus in the thirteenth century BC does not allow a reduction of the patriarchal age to the fourteenth century, unless the entire framework of biblical history from



[p.66]



Abraham to the Exodus is assumed to be artificial - an assumption for which there is no real warrant.[58 ]



1.5. An EBA date for Abraham



D. N. Freedman has recently argued that the true historical setting of the Abraham narratives is the middle of the third millennium BC. or EB III (c. 2650 - 2350 BC) in archaeological terms.[59 ]



His arguments are based on literary and archaeological evidence, the literary material being from the recently discovered Ebla (Tell Mardikh) archives. Stating that one of the tablets from Ebla lists the five 'cities of the plain' in the same order in which they occur in Genesis 14, and that the name of one of the kings mentioned in Genesis 14 (Birsha) is preserved in almost the same form on the tablet, Freedman argues that the incidents of Genesis 14 belong in all probability to the same period as the Ebla tablet (dated in general terms to the period 2600-2300 BC).



Freedman's argument from archaeology concerns EBA remains in the region east of the Dead Sea. Bab edh-Dhrâ and four neighbouring sites provide evidence of settlements during the EBA, but not during the MBA. Freedman proposes identifying these settlements with the 'cities of the plain'. Discussing occupation at Bab edh-Dhrâ, Freedman notes that the last major phase of occupation is EB III, the site being finally abandoned about 2250 BC in EB IV. The role of all five sites as the 'cities of the plain' is confined, however, to EB III: 'All were occupied during the Early Bronze Age for varying periods of time) the only period common to all is EB III, which is also the period of the Ebla tablets.'[60 ]



While there is much that is superficially attractive about Freedman's hypothesis, both the literary and archaeological arguments face serious difficulties.



Reservations have recently been expressed concerning the readings of the names espoused by Freedman, and it seems that the claim that the names of all five cities occur on one tablet was in any case erroneous.[61 ]



Freedman himself does not insist that the king named on the tablet should be identified with Birsha, king of Gomorrah, in Genesis 14. Indeed, he admits that, although he was originally under the impression that the king named on the tablet was king of Gomorrah, he later learned that he was king of the city whose name was read as Admah. Freedman therefore suggests only that the two kings 'belong to the same era, quite possibly to the same dynasty or to related families'. The conclusion that they belong 'to the same chronological horizon'[62 ] is completely



[p.67]



invalidated by these qualifications. Several examples could be found of two kings reigning centuries apart, possessing the same or similar names. As one example, note Jabin, king of Hazor at the time of Joshua, and a similarly named king of Hazor attested in the Mari documents of the eighteenth-seventeenth centuries BC.[63 ] Even if Joshua is dated as early as 1400 BC, in line with a fifteenth century date for the exodus, we still have a gap of two or three centuries between these two kings; and note, too, that an even later king of Hazor also has the same name (Jdg. 4:2).



The archaeological argument also provides little evidence for Freedman's early date. His argument here largely depends on the fact that no MB I sites have been found which can be identified as the 'cities of the plain', thus restricting the choice to the EBA sites to which he refers. The common assumption that the cities of Genesis 14 now lie beneath the southern waters of the Dead Sea, which appear to have risen considerably in comparatively recent times,[64 ] is dismissed rather cavalierly: 'The underwater possibility has also been investigated. but. nothing determinative or even usable has turned up. If Sodom and Gomorrah are beneath the waters of the Dead Sea, they have not been found; the hypothesis itself seems more dubious all the time'.[65 ] This is an unfair statement of the situation. As Albright remarked, there is no way of knowing what depth of silt may now hide the ruins from view if they lie beneath the Dead Sea, and the chances of discovering traces are very remote indeed.[66 ]



Unless the EBA settlements can be identified with certainty as the 'cities of the plain' (which would require four of them being shown to have suffered a simultaneous fall in the EBA; Zoar was not destroyed according to Gn. 19), Freedman's case remains weak.



If the occupation of the central Negeb is held to be important for the historicity of the patriarchal narratives, Freedman's early date faces an additional difficulty; Thompson reports 'an almost total absence of evidence for any EB exploitation of this region' until the EB IV / MB I period.[67 ]



A final consideration is that the biblical chronology cannot be stretched sufficiently to place Abraham in the EB III period (i. e. before 2300 BC). This will be apparent from the discussion of biblical chronology below. Any attempt to take the old Testament's chronology seriously will therefore find Freedman's placement of Abraham unacceptable,[68 ] unless a down-dating of the EBA becomes necessary in the light of future discoveries.



[p.68]



Each period examined has been found to present difficulties. Two periods (LB II and EB III) are excluded by the internal biblical chronology, and in any case are weakly supported. The remaining two, MB I and MB II, face the difficulty of the non-occupation of important sites or areas. However, before the conclusion is reached that neither period provides an acceptable setting for the movements of the patriarchs, evidence for the location and occupational history of the relevant sites must be assessed in more detail.



2. INDIVIDUAL SITES DISCUSSED



What follows is a list of the Palestinian topographical references contained in the patriarchal narratives. For the convenience of a later part of the discussion, the list is divided chronologically into two parts: (i) corresponding to the life of Abraham after the departure from Haran, and (ii) corresponding to the lives of Isaac and Jacob, from Abraham's death to the entry into Egypt.